Sneakers +2

I was inching my way towards the goal line. By editing a few words here and there, I have achieved the status (followed the signs) needed to pursue this identity I have been trying to commit to for years.

Now, I am footing my way there. This is solidarity in progress. This is solidarity on a walk.

To start it off: With every decision, I become more and more comfortable with my judgement, both in a micro and macro picture. I can better justify--to myself and to others--my worldview and the spectrum I have made between benevolent and cancerous. I can easily paint the context in which I place these decisions and the consequences thereof. Every decision made is a thrilling calculation.

What I have no time for are people who are unwilling to understand my revelation. While keeping myself adaptable to compromise and improvement, I have taken the effort put myself at a distance from elements destructive to this vague understanding of my well-being. It is a difficult distance to keep; it balances a thin edge. To one side, I am a gullible fool, to the other and I am a sociopathic asshole. Neither is desirable.

And though my logic may be errant, it is still upheld to values that are important in maintaining my personal Nash Equilibrium: Loyalty, Harmony, Goodwill (which if, it didn't throw the whole damn thing off balance, would be at the apex of my personal pyramid). Honesty, justice, ambition, sagacity and an (albeit imperfect) altruism will carry this character through a journey into the unknown.

While even now, this sounds like an obsession with goodness, I still remember that goodness is objective. What may be beneficial to one can be detrimental to another. And more, this allocation of positive and negative connotations to every action and word and concept is different to every universe, to every world, to every mind.

The Yin and Yang are two parts of a whole, and so are both ends of the moral spectrum. I used to say the more sane you seemed, the more insane you really are. And in age, I have come to understand that. I hold my own secrets, and with time and trust they will be told. These are issues for the future to deal with.

My audience will never be unanimous in its assessment of my actions, of my life, of my beliefs and my decisions. My world is my own, and cannot be truly understood without truly experiencing it. The only way to reconcile separate worlds is to accept that discord will be ever-present, evidence be damned, in every interaction, and that faith and love are the counters that holds these worlds together when they are all striving to be torn apart.