How do you start one of these again?
It's been a while. I always liked making new journals for myself. It allowed me the illusion that I was cleaning off my slate. Like I could build myself from scratch. Tinker and tweak until I've got a person I liked. Sometimes I started new journals because I already had this someone in my head; It was only a matter of showing him off to the world.
I mean, I've said it. That whole stick about your art being your window into your soul. I have a problem with legacy. I want to be known, for that sake and that alone. I don't want to be famous, I just want someone to know me. I haven't figured the psychological problem behind that one out yet. I'm working on that.
On my way home at midnight, I passed by a guy in sweats, a hoodie and a denim jacket. He was smoking and walking. I though "Oh hey, there are other people like me in the world." Sometimes I look for that bit of confirmation from others, those quirks that others may coincidentally have developed too, so that I won't think I'm going insane. Other days, I don't really give a flying shit about other people. In my world, I'm the only one that matters. That mindset goes out the window fast, though. I'm undeniably reliant on social interaction.
Friends are a funny thing. That's it, I don't really need to say more.
I started reading again, this time it's Charles Bukowski because apparently, I can't be in a band unless I'm versed in the same literature that brings those two oddballs together. Gene and Mick, what a pair. While they may not seem to have anything in common but an affinity for music and ballsy shit.
They are really ballsy. I adopted and have been practicing (as opposed to living) this philosophy that I know nothing about anything and that I'd rather learn than create. It's really fulfilling, but sometimes I feel sort of lazy about it. Like I'm some sort of cultural leech. The worst kind, too. I recognize the value of the arts and sciences (you know, instead of sitting around summarizing Heroes to my friends or talking about Katy Perry's tits) but I just sort of sit back and watch it all happen.
It's my nature I guess. I hate to write my own prophecies, but I will acknowledge that there are parts to people that just come more naturally than they would to others. For me, it's patience and analyzation. I don't do it all the time, but enough that it's a deprecatory. Bad habits are your defining habits; Those are mine.
Tomorrow I will be practicing my bass lines.
